Brightline team
Aug 27, 2024
No matter what grade your kids are headed into this fall, they’re about to face some change. They might get a new classroom or a new teacher. Maybe they’re going to a new part of campus or a whole new school.
All of these unfamiliar experiences, places, and faces might bring up feelings of excitement, anticipation, or worry for your child.
Transitions can be tough. And the pressure to perform — from speaking up in class, to getting good grades, to making the varsity team — can feel overwhelming at any age.
In this article, we’ll discuss how parents and caregivers can help their kids:
Prepare for the school-year changes ahead
Practice making new things more familiar ahead of time
Release pressure by getting aligned on what’s truly important to your family
Keep lines of communication open once the year begins
Learn to reframe negative thoughts
Prepare for the school-year changes ahead
When it comes to uncomfortable or tough transitions, planning ahead is key. Help your child get ready by giving them time to express how they feel and get used to what’s coming. Here’s how:
Talk with your child about how they feel. Ask them what they’re worried about and what sounds exciting. Guide the conversation with validation and confidence.
Validation: Reflect what you’re hearing from your child without judgment or telling them they should feel differently. Try saying things like “I hear you, it sounds like you are nervous about your new teacher and excited about meeting new friends.” or “Not knowing what to expect can be hard.” or “I get that this is tough for you.”
Confidence: Don’t over promise with statements like “This will be the best year ever and you’ll be the most popular one at school!” (because what if it isn’t and they aren’t?). Instead, show them that what you have confidence in is their ability to try. Saying things like “I’m confident you can get through this” or “I have seen you do hard things and I know you can do this, too”.
Get ready early. When your child feels like they have the things they need ready to go (like school supplies, an alarm clock, their class schedule, gas in the car, etc.), it takes those worries off of their shoulders. Do whatever can be done early to avoid any late-night, last minute scrambling — our ideas for organizing routines below can help.
Practice making new things more familiar
By organizing the night and morning routines early, your child’s body and brain have time to get used to them. And when what they can’t yet imagine — where their class is, what their teacher is like, what route to take to school, or where to catch the bus — becomes clear, their confidence has more room to come through, too.
Depending on the age of your child, in the days and weeks leading up to the first day of school, try the below or find what works best for your child:
Night routine:
Get laundry done, lay out school clothes before bed, pack uniforms/practice gear
Organize the backpack, set it by the front door (along with shoes)
Charge phones and computers (outside the bedroom, ideally)
Pack lunch/snack/water bottle
Sign paperwork/homework
Coordinate carpool, gas up the car, etc.
Set an alarm for a time that leaves plenty of room for getting ready
Morning routine:
Start waking up at the same time every morning
If your child likes lists, make one for them to follow independently as they make their bed, wash up, brush teeth, get dressed, etc.
Have quick, easy, favorite breakfast options on hand (and for those days when your child oversleeps or breakfast is a struggle, keep a few on-the-go options stashed in the car like granola bars, juice boxes, etc.)
Plan something to look forward to after the first day — a trip to their favorite park, an ice cream cone, a game you can play together, or a day/week off of their usual chores.
School routine:
Drive, walk, or find the bus route to school so your child knows where to go and what time to leave the house every day
Walk around campus, get familiar with the location of your child’s classroom, the counselor’s office, nurse’s office, gym, bathrooms, etc.
Set up a meet and greet with your child’s teacher* before the year begins
*You can also email or call the teacher in advance to share details about your child’s demeanor, concerns, or learning style, too. This opens a line of communication that can help the teacher get to know your child and understand when it’s time to reach out to you for extra support. Parents and teachers are partners!
Release pressure by getting aligned on what’s truly important to the family
Kids can put a lot of pressure on themselves — they get stressed about grades, being popular, and making the team or school play. To help them find balance and minimize negative thought spirals, teach them the difference between what thoughts are true and helpful, and which ones are unhelpful and distracting.
For example, if your fourth-grade child is convinced they won’t pass a test, and that thought snowballs into failing out of college, slow them down and show them there’s another way. Prove that one poor showing on a test can’t actually derail their whole life — talk through what their grade is now and do the math to see if a failing grade on a test might change that grade. Then share ways to make it up in the event the test doesn’t go well. They can ask the teacher for extra help before the next test. Or they can complete extra credit assignments to make up the difference.
And remind them that everyone struggles at times — how those challenges are handled is what helps people grow and get better.
Sometimes, parents and caregivers get caught up in comparisons, strict family passions/values, and their own pressures to have kids who are excelling. If you think those things are adding up to your child feeling like they’re in a pressure cooker, it’s time to work on your own self-awareness. Consider where your focus is and whether you’re contributing to the pressure your child feels.
Let’s use a family passion/value of baseball as an example. Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
Are your words, reactions, facial expressions, and the attention you give your child reinforcing their worth outside of baseball?
Does your child feel like they have to play baseball in order to measure up in your eyes?
How can you reflect to your child (and to yourself) that even though this is your family’s favorite thing, and what everyone is expected to know, love, and play, there is more to life than being on a baseball team?
How do you find value in yourself and in your child if not playing well enough to get a scholarship — or not wanting to play at all — means college isn’t an option?
What are some alternate ways that your child can work towards college that don’t include playing baseball?
What else besides baseball is important to your family?
Can you reframe your thinking from “You must play and play to win” to “What happens if they don’t want to play, can’t play, or aren’t able to play well”?
Finding ways to hold true to your family values while relieving some of the pressure your child is under can be good for everyone. And being open to discovering new ways to connect as a family eliminates uncertainty and reassures your child that they will always be loved.
Keep lines of communication open once the year begins
As days go by, keep checking in with your child on how things are going. Watch your own body language — if you tiptoe nervously into the conversation, they might feel like you’re expecting bad news and reflect a negative tone.
Ask neutral questions like “Tell me about one thing you learned” to get them to open up. Try to keep the focus on objective things that happened, but be open to a venting session if they need it. (Keep reading to learn how to help your child reframe negative thoughts!)
And remember, they’ve been sitting still on their best behavior all day and haven’t eaten since lunch, so timing is everything. Encourage playing with a pet, running around outside, and having a snack before expecting them to open up to you.
If they’re not big on communication, try a low-effort approach. Choose “I’m good” “I’m just okay” and “I need help” emojis to text each other. Or create a short number rating system to follow. They can say “zero” if all is well, “one” if it’s not perfect but they can handle it, or a “two” if they need your help. They’ll know you’re there when they need you, but you won’t be hovering looking for signs.
Learn to reframe negative thoughts
When your child has convinced themselves something has or will go wrong, help them see that a different result is possible.
Let’s say your child is worried they won’t be able to find their friends at lunch. Go through some scenarios together ahead of time, so even if the “worst” does happen, they feel prepared with a back-up plan. Maybe they can:
Bring a book to lunch so they can read if they’re alone
Go to the library, classroom, or counselor’s office to eat
Find someone else who is eating alone and join them
Or maybe they’re convinced their teacher “hates” them because they ignored their raised hand. Talk through what else could also be true. Maybe they didn’t see your child’s hand, ran out of time in the lesson, or were just trying to give another child a chance this time.
Every child will face tough days. And not every solution works every time. So keep communication open, stay positive, listen when they share their feelings, and remind them how important they are to you.
Lastly, with the transitions and pressures that the new school year brings, be prepared for your child to be simultaneously overstimulated and exhausted. When Friday rolls around, if you can, try to keep big plans on the back burner — reward their hard work in the first weeks with a favorite meal and some downtime at home.
And as always, when the conversation stalls or the situation feels bigger than you or your child can handle, Brightline is your partner in parenting. Connect with your care team to find solutions that can start helping today.
