Brightline team
Sep 6, 2024
Teenagers are managing peer pressure, isolation, and tons of time on social media. All of these external influences can give any child — even the most outgoing, confident one — social anxiety.
Here’s what social anxiety can look like — and how you can support your child if they’re experiencing it.
What is social anxiety? We can all get a pang of nerves when we feel like we’re under a spotlight — for instance, when we meet new people, give a presentation, or walk into a party that’s already in full swing. But if you have social anxiety, you may feel overwhelmed with a fear of being judged by others.
What does social anxiety look like? Whether your teen is voicing it aloud or not, they could be worried about things like:
Getting sick or someone in your home being sick
Starting a new school or new school year
Having “rusty” social skills
Feeling unsure about friendships or popularity
Body image
Their future after high school
Changes happening at home
If your teen is experiencing social anxiety, it might present as:
Negative thoughts. For a teenager, there are few things as important as being accepted by their peers. What others think about them occupies a lot of their brain space, and that’s especially true for kids with social anxiety. You may repeatedly hear phrases like, “I can’t do it” or “ I’m not good enough” or “No one likes me”.
Reluctance to leave home. Leaving their “safe space” to enter social settings can feel scary for socially anxious kids.
Avoiding certain places or events. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a large party — some kids may feel uneasy about one-on-one encounters, too. Or, they say they don’t want to go to the movie theater or mall where a lot of classmates might be.
Physical symptoms. Some kids experiencing social anxiety may develop headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms. They’re not faking it — anxiety can put kids in fight-or-flight mode which releases hormones that affect their gut (and can bring on those stomach cramps or headaches).
Supporting your child through social anxiety Unfortunately, social anxiety isn’t something that has one quick fix. And every child is different — a strategy that may work great for one teenager may not help yours at all. The good news is that you have lots of different options.
Here are a few examples of ways you can try to help:
Normalize your teen’s anxiety. Remind your teen just how unusual (and difficult) the past few years have been. Reassure them that everyone — even adults — struggles at times. Just because someone looks confident doesn’t mean they feel it. It may also be helpful to point out that like anything, feeling comfortable with being social gets better with practice.
Accept how they feel. If your teen tells you they aren’t feeling good about their appearance, your instinct may be to insist that they’re wrong because you see them through a more loving lens. Instead, try validating what they’re feeling — for instance, “It sounds like you’re feeling self-conscious about how you look. I don’t feel that way about you.” Your kid will feel heard by you, instead of feeling that they have to argue their point.
Talk about physical symptoms. Treat the physical signs that crop up when your teen’s social anxiety flares like clues. For instance, do they notice that their voice gets softer? Do they feel shaky? Do their hands sweat? Being aware of these signs can help them recognize they need a coping strategy. And you can help them find one that works for them.
Encourage coping skills. During a calm moment, work with your teen to find some things that can help them the next time they feel a wave of anxiety coming. Maybe they’ll regulate themselves by listening to music or going for a quick walk. They may want to try a breathing exercise or visualizing a safe place. It may take some time for them to find what works. And what helps once may not always do the trick. If they don’t get any relief from these coping strategies, a therapist can offer more suggestions.
Start small. If being in a big group setting makes your teen feel anxious, encourage them to first try a relaxed activity with just a couple of friends.
Make a plan. Talk about who your teen can lean on if their social anxiety feels intense. For instance, is there a friend at school they could talk to? A counselor or teacher? Having a “go to” person may help their anxiety feel more manageable.
Help them reconnect. If your teen is hesitant about meeting up with a friend, help them find activities they can do that are comforting or fun. Seeing a movie together gives them time to hang out without pressure to talk too much. Or bring a friend along to the dog park or for a walk with a pet — they can relax and focus on the barking, sniffing, and other silly things their pet does.
Have an open mind. Your teen may socialize a lot differently than you did when you were their age. Choosing to game online with their friends rather than hang out in person may not be satisfying to you, but accept that sometimes, it could suit their social needs just fine.
Above all, make sure to remind your teen that they’re resilient. (If they’re skeptical, ask them to help you list some of their strengths and recent accomplishments.) Reassure them that they really can figure out ways to manage their anxiety, and you’re here to support them as they do.
And remember, any time you feel like you need additional support, reach out to your Brightline care team.