Brightline team
Jul 30, 2024
There are few kids — if any — that make it through childhood without being teased at some point. But there’s a big difference between being made fun of once in a while and being bullied. And the latter is happening more often than you might think.
In this article, we’ll share how to:
Recognize if your child is being bullied
Encourage your child to talk with you about bullying
Surround your child with support
Know when it’s time to get help from a Brightline coach or therapist
Is your child being bullied?
Did you know that 20–25% of kids between the ages of 12–18 experience bullying? And that only around 20% of those kids tell anyone it’s happening? It can (and does) happen to anyone, but bullies often target kids in middle school, teen girls, and kids who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ or BIPOC communities.
The signs aren’t always obvious. If your child is being bullied, feelings of fear or shame may cause them to try to hide or deny it. That means that as a parent or caregiver, part of your job is to keep your eyes wide open and be curious about any changes you see in your child’s appearance or behaviors. Another vital responsibility is making sure your child knows they are safe and will always be listened to when they come talk to you — about anything. To keep conversation flowing, give them space to get their thoughts out and keep your questions to a minimum.
The warning signs below aren’t always an indication of bullying. But if they’re sudden or new behaviors for your child, it’s worth talking about:
Down moods, nervousness, loneliness, low self-esteem, or persistent worries
Fear of going to school or activities, slipping grades, lack of focus, non-participation
Loss of appetite or binge eating at home after school
Complaints of frequent stomach issues or headaches
Defensive or vague explanations for unexplained bruises, cuts, or scrapes
Broken, torn, dirty, or missing belongings (glasses, clothes, school supplies, etc.)
Trouble sleeping or nightmares
I see the signs — what do I do now?
We know that seeing the issues above in your own child can be very upsetting. It’s easy to conjure up your inner Mama or Papa Bear and let your protective instincts take over.
But if bullying is what your child is going through, they need you to be the one who can calmly support and comfort them at home, while helping them feel safe and confident again at school.
Start by opening up a conversation without pushing them directly to admit what’s happening. (Being bullied is intimidating and they may be scared that saying something could make it worse.) Ask open-ended questions like “I have been hearing a lot of stories about bullying happening at schools. Why do you think bullying happens?” Or, “I notice you seem nervous when I drop you off at school. What makes you feel uneasy about being on campus?”
Check in on your child’s safety
For some kids, being bullied can impact their sense of self-worth and confidence. Sometimes these thoughts lead to a child thinking of (or acting on) a feeling of wanting to harm themselves.
It can be scary for a parent to address this situation head on. But asking these difficult questions is vital to your child’s well-being. Here are some ideas for how you might check in with your child:
Have you had thoughts about hurting yourself?
Are you thinking about dying or killing yourself?
Do you believe them when they say you’d be better off dead?
Contrary to what you might have heard, saying these things out loud does not put ideas in your child’s head. What it does do is give your child an opening to a conversation about very difficult feelings they might be holding inside.
If they say yes to any of the questions (or other similar ones) above, reach out for help immediately. For more on how to talk this through with your child, helpful responses to their answers, and how to keep them safe at home, visit hellobrightline.com/safety.
What if my child won’t talk to me about it?
If your child doesn’t open up to you, but you’re still concerned about what their behavior is telling you, do a bit of detective work. Ask other adults in their life (teachers, counselors, principals, coaches, etc.) to keep an eye out.
They might be able to find clues by watching from afar how your child behaves during recess, in class and in the hallways, or at practice. Then they can share with you what they see — whether it’s your child looking nervous, sad, left out, or targeted.
My child told me they’re being bullied — how do I make it stop?
If your child does share that they are the one being bullied, you’ve already done a good job of giving them a safe space to be open with you. Now, let them know that:
You will work through it together — they aren’t alone.
This is not their fault and they don’t deserve it.
If it’s happening to them, it’s probably happening to other kids, too.
You’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe — they are important, they matter, and they belong in this world.
Encourage your child to lean on the support systems they trust the most. Ask open-ended questions like “If you’re struggling at school and need to talk, who do you trust the most? What about at practice?” If you know those trusted adults, let them know what’s happening so they can help keep an eye when you aren’t there.
By being informed and keeping watch, they’re able to address the behavior as they see it (no tattling needed). Then they can insert themselves as part of the solution — helping your child feel more comfortable again while helping the child doing the bullying through the behavior. Their response level should match the level of the behavior.
Being bullied can tear down even the most confident, happy child. Kids want to fit in and be accepted, and when they are actively and publicly being pushed out of their friend groups and/or sense of self, it can have a traumatic impact on them. Bullying can feel confusing, isolating, and embarrassing for a child who is experiencing it, and it can cause their self-worth and the feeling that they belong to decline.
So, how do you respond? Sometimes ignoring the bully will make them lose interest, but other times a different, more active approach has to be taken — not only to stop the behavior and keep your child safe, but to ensure they know they are important, loved, and worthy.
How can Brightline help?
Depending on how long the bullying has been happening, the intensity of the behavior, and the impact the emotional and/or physical injuries have had on your child, connecting with a Brightline coach or therapist could be your next step.
A coach can help your child recognize their strengths, build self-confidence, and develop social skills. Your child can also learn how to express their feelings in healthy ways, handle day-to-day scenarios through role play, and reduce overall worry or sadness about what’s happening to them.
Our therapists are a powerful resource for kids and teens who are experiencing higher levels of impairment, meaning they’re having trouble doing the things they need or want to do (i.e. going to school or practice, making or spending time with friends, working with classmates on projects or presentations, etc.). A therapist can work with your child to overcome social fear and anxiety, depressive episodes, feelings of inferiority, and other concerns, and are especially vital if safety concerns arise.
If you want to discuss a safety concern about your child and their well-being (your child is having thoughts or is acting on a desire to harm themselves), a therapist can help. And, again, some helpful information can be found right now at hellobrightline.com/safety.
Your child doesn’t have to handle bullying alone — and you don’t have to have all the answers. Connect with your Brightline care team today.
